Before I Die

I cried for a good portion of yesterday's Easter morning service at my church. From my seat in the balcony, the sight of a room full of people swaying, clapping, and singing their hearts out was enough to make my voice tremble and move me to tears.

Already at a tenuous brink of emotion, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Without thinking, I pulled it out, looked at it, and saw that I had received a message from my friend. Someone I knew had died. I stared in disbelief as a wave of nausea washed over me. Someone's wife was gone; a sister had passed away. I remembered seeing her just last fall, just a chance meeting of an old friend in a store aisle. We stood there, catching up for a few minutes. How could I have known that would be the last time I'd see her? As we parted ways to finish our respective shopping, we talked about getting together soon for dinner. Soon.

I cried again, this time tears of despair. Amidst hallelujahs and "He Lives!" I mourned the many times I've said, "Let's do that real soon," and never did it.

After church, we drove to Chicago's Pilsen neighborhood. On the corner of Carpenter and 18th St. is an installation of artist Candy Chang's interactive "Before I Die" exhibit. On the side of a building, a large area is covered with chalkboard paint with the phrase, "Before I die, I want to: _________" stenciled repeatedly all over the wall. Chang started this exhibit in her own native New Orleans as a chance to turn a neglected space into a space of hope; a chance for anyone walking by to put their dream into words. Now, these walls are cropping up in cities all over the world: London, Johannesburg, Mumbai, Reno and Muncie.

If you live near one of these walls, I encourage you to go. I liked reading what others had written:

Before I die, I want to:

-be loved how I love
-be a star
-play kazoo in front of a sold-out crowd
-meet my brother
-visit water parks all over the world
-have sex
-go to college
-kiss the man of my dreams

 
We all have dreams, and we have have good intentions of making them happen. Sometimes it's all I can do to get through my day, but it was a good exercise to step back and look at the big picture. Even more powerful was seeing my wish woven into a patchwork of dreams and hopes written by other strangers in brightly colored chalk.  We're all not that different after all.

And then after the stepping back, after the dreaming, it's time to get down to the business of doing.