What Did You Just Say?

Some of the best comedy of motherhood, in my opinion, comes as our children learn to navigate the good ol' English language. One of our sons excitedly used to point out, "Look! Abstinence!" every time he saw an ambulance. Then there was the misnomer "catpicker," used to describe a caterpillar. My husband still remembers feeling a twinge of sadness the night one son realized he could say "movie" instead of the previously uber-adorable pronunciation of "moonie." (We still have moonie nights at our house—we can't seem to let that one go.)

On a recent car ride, our daughter was getting increasingly frustrated with being restrained for hours on end in her car seat. Irritated that her belongings kept falling to the floor of the car and out of her reach, she demanded, in a screaming voice: "I WANT MY BEER AND CRACK!" Horrified, my husband and I looked around at the customers at the gas station, hoping no one heard her. Of course, as seasoned parents, we knew her precise meaning: she wanted her bear and her crocs, both fallen victims to the crumb-covered floormats below her bare feet.

Tonight, as I was filling the bathtub, I instructed my son to get ready for his bath. "Okay, Mom," he said, starting to take off his shirt. "But just be careful of my nuts."

WHAAAAAAT? My mind raced. Did he already learn to talk so crudely from the playground? It's only the second day of school! How could this have happened?

I spun around, to see my son's angelic face, smiling at me. "See?" he asked me. "My nuts are right there."

I looked down.

*huge sigh of relief*

There were the acorns he had been collecting that afternoon, placed carefully on the bathroom rug.